You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
