guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
