hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
