ya dads aren't the best wingmen
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
