so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we should paint friendship bongs
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