At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
