I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
