Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
