Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
4 words: hood of his car
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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