Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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