i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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