11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
