I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize