they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will pee on everything he values.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
