You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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