Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
