Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
