now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
