just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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