oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize