I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
