I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
