I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
