Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i would punch a child for taco bell
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
