why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
