I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
