Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
