Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
