it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
