I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
