omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
