Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
