So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
