You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Found your dick twin last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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