and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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