his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize