i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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