I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
