it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He felt like a one man threesome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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