the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
