i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
