drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
