Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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