you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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