I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
