hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
