Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
