Just took my morning after pill in the library
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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