I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
