I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
