i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
