We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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