Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize