margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
