i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
