Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
