Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
