i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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