He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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