You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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