tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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