Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
