THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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