I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize