Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
