More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
