Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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