That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's like iHOP with fire
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
