Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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