that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
