Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
