turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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