I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I believe in your delicious
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
