STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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