Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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