at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
