Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
