I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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