I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
