Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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