I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
