Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
