i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
