WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
