Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
