p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
