So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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