so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
