Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
