I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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