Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
