I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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