you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
