1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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