your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize