my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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