I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
