You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
