the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
