Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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